Resilient
by KatieinSyd
Summary: One of Kensi's most inspiring character traits is resilience. She has overcome her father's death, estrangement from her mother, homelessness, abandonment by Jack, and challenges of working in a male dominated field. I found a blog describing the character traits of resilient people. It described her. This is a series of unconnected stories about Kensi. This is *not* a romance.
1. Chapter 1

Resilient People Compartmentalise their Emotions

Kensi slid her sunglasses off her hair and onto her face. She tilted her head up towards the sun and took a deep breath. Sessions with her psychiatrist always left her drained and hungry. She reckoned the hunger was a stress reaction to the emotional hour with Dr Nguyen. She sent Deeks a text message to let him know her appointment was finished. It would take about 20 minutes to walk from the doctor's office to Westwood Village where was waiting for her. The walk gave her time to settle her emotions after the appointment. 

She reflected on her session with Dr Nguyen. Dr Nguyen prescribed meditation and yoga as positive coping strategies to help her deal with the stress of her past and her job. To help her proactively deal with problems before they arose. But she stopped meditating and the yoga sessions dropped off from once a day to once a week. As a consequence she'd fell back in to her old coping habits. 

Before she began treatment with Dr Nguyen, Kensi would treat the problem by ignoring it. She was the Queen of Compartmentalisation. Nothing touched her because she wouldn't let it. Locked it down and buried it away. Compartmentalisation is a useful short term strategy to cope with stress. It can get you through the workday or the work week but it wasn't going to work over several months or years. Eventually the stress and anger caught up and you exploded like a volcano. 

Following her return to from deployment in Afghanistan, she carried on with her life as if she never left. As if she hadn't chased Jack across Afghanistan on an accusation of treason; hadn't being held prisoner by the Taliban; and been rescued by her family and team. How do people bounce back from those things? She did it the only way she knew how. Bury it and carry on. Tomorrow was another day. 

Her interview with Chief Investigator Wallace, DOJ, shook her up. The tower she had built to store all of the pain cracked. She only needed time to shore her defences back up again. But Deeks waiting for her when the interview finished. She couldn't keep it together and cried on his shoulder. He suggested she make peace with her past and the deployment. Burying it wasn't going to make the pain easier to deal with. He spoke from experience. 

It was a tiring day when she pulled down the brick wall. She and Dr Nguyen discussed her father's death, the estrangement from her mother, Jack and so many other things. She must've cried out 30 years' worth of repressed pain during that afternoon. After the session she sat in her car for 30 minutes to regain her strength again before she could trust herself to drive. She'd slept for 10 hours that night. She was drained. The next morning she visited the beach to stare at the waves crashing into the sand for an hour before she felt like herself again. 

Kensi met Deeks at the coffee shop. He stood up to kiss her on the cheek and pointed the table 'Got you a fresh cup and a toasted cheese sandwich.' God, he really was a sweetie. She bent down to give Monty a pat before sipping her coffee. 

'How was your appointment?' he asked. 

She took a deep breath before she replied. 'Good, good.' 

He nodded. They kept an unspoken agreement not pry too much into each other. They knew when the other one was having a bad day. Sometimes the bad day worked itself out on its own. But if it dragged on for a few days they spoke up. 

'Nguyen suggested I make time for meditation and yoga again. I told her that with work and everything,' Kensi waved her hand in the air, 'I haven't had time for it. Life has been busy.' 

Deeks nodded again. 'You know, I can help you with that. If you need time or space for yourself, I can help you with that. I could even join you for yoga. I wouldn't even try to make any sex jokes.' 

She smiled. His sex jokes were her favourite kind of jokes. The support and trust Deeks willingly gave to her was something she hadn't felt before. He'd shown her that he could be trusted with the uglier part of her. 

'Thanks. We can go home for yoga after I finish my coffee. A little exercise will revive me after today's session.' 

'What about the beach? The waves are too flat for surfing but perfect for swimming. The beach will chill you out and the cold water will wake you up.' He suggested. 

'I like it. We'll take Monty home and grab our swimming costumes,' Kensi leaned over the table kiss him, 'Thanks for being you. You make a difference. I couldn't do it without you'. 

THE END 

_Author's Note - Resilient people take a pragmatic stance and learn to maintain emotional equanimity in the face of disappointment._


	2. They Change Their Minds Sometimes

Resilient people change their minds sometimes

Julia placed Kensi's coffee mug and a plate of small cakes on the kitchen table in front of her. 'Thanks Mum,' she blew on her coffee to cool it down before taking a small sip, 'Mmmm, exactly how I like it.'

'I know you pretty well now, Kensi. It's easy to remember how you like your coffee.'

'So, what did you want to talk about?' Kensi asked.

Julia sipped her coffee to gather courage. Up until five years ago Julia and Kensi had been estranged for fifteen years. And on the surface it appeared all of the bad feelings of the past were forgotten. But Julia hadn't forgotten the immense pain caused by Kensi's rejection. And while she may have understood why Kensi choose that path when she was a teenager, it was harder to understand it why Kensi had continued to ignore her when she was an adult.

Estranged. A polite word for abandonment, confusion, and anger. Julia still felt angry and upset when she thought back over that time. How could Kensi walk away from her? Hadn't she brought her up better than that?

'Kensi,' Julia paused to take a deep breath, 'I want to talk about what happened to me when you ran away and stayed away.'

'Mum…' Kensi was surprised.

'Please let me speak. This…this is difficult for me. Everyone said I shouldn't say anything now that you're back at home. But I wanted to speak. It's too much to keep it all inside,' Julia paused, 'When you ran away after your father died…I was angry with you. I thought you were ungrateful and disrespectful. I wondered just what type of child I had raised. But I now understand that you were confused about your father's death and upset over the divorce.'

Kensi's face was blank as she listened while Julia spoke.

'I've happy that we've reunited. And I'm so proud of you, Kensi. You're happy and content with your life. You've got Marty who loves you. And you've got a career that you enjoy. It's everything I wanted for you. I'm sorry that you and I were separated during your teenage years and when you were a young adult. I would've liked to see you in your prom dress and attended your college graduation,' Julia wiped a tear from her eye, 'My friends' children were having their proms and I was jealous. Because you and I should have had that experience too. But I understand why that couldn't happen. And I forgive you. Anyway…I just wanted to say something. It's been burning inside me for a long time. I wanted you to know just what the separation between us meant to me, and how I dealt with it'.

Now that the elephant in the room had been acknowledged, how would Kensi react?

'Mum…,' Kensi grimaced and took a deep breath to compose her thoughts, 'Mum, I'm sorry. I guess we haven't spoken about this. You're right. We need to discuss this. When Dad died I was confused and angry. I didn't understand how and why he died. I felt angry with him, the world, and myself,' Kensi paused to sip her coffee. Julia waited in silence for Kensi to continue, 'Dad and I had a fight before he died. There was a boy I wanted to date. Dad told me to stay away. I said no and crept out of the house on the night he died. I'm hardly the first teenage girl to fight with her Dad. I know that but it's not what I wanted my last memory of my father to be,' Kensi began to cry, 'You're right. The divorce was hard. The three of us together were good. Looking back now I can see that you and Dad were trying hard to manage life together on the base. I know I didn't do my part to make it easier for you.' Her parents had wanted a boy but they got her instead. Kensi Blye - Poster child for Tomboys for America.

'After Dad died I had to make decisions for myself. In my opinion, I was the best person to look after me. I thought I was old enough to make decisions for myself. I was very angry at – everything,' Kensi shook her head in remembrance, 'And I'm not sure if I have the words today to explain why I made the decisions I made. It hurt me too but I thought it was the best decision at the time.' She wasn't sure if she could or should go further than that.

'Being separated from you for 15 years was hard for me too. I'm glad too that we've reunited. I think of us as friends as well as mother and daughter,' Across the kitchen table Kensi held Julia's hand and squeezed, 'And I hope you think of me as a friend too'.

Julia began to cry. 'Oh, Kensi, my baby girl. Of course, we're friends.'

'Well, then. That's ok with me too.' Kensi wiped a tear from her cheek. 'Now, I think this calls for a movie marathon. What will we watch first? Pretty Woman or Sleepless in Seattle?'

Later that evening Kensi parked her car in front of the home she and Deeks shared. She walked through the side gate to the backyard. He was sitting on their small back porch drinking a beer watching the sunset over their neighbour's bougainvillea. She sat on to the step next to him and tiredly leaned into his shoulder.

'Baby, you're beat. What did you and your Mum get up to? I thought you were going to watch movies all afternoon?'

'We did,' she mumbled into his shirt, 'But before we got into the movies, Mum said she forgave me for not speaking to her for fifteen years.'

Deeks winced. A tough conversation. Something he knew Kensi would never raise herself. And he was kind of surprised Julia had the guts to say something. 'And how are you? Do you wanna talk about it?'

'Not particularly. Not today anyway.' Kensi rubbed her hand along his bicep and snuggled closer to him. He lifted his arm over her shoulder and brought her in closer to him.

'You know, you can talk about it with me whenever you want.'

'I know.'

THE END

 _Authors Note – Resilient people make decisions based on the information they have at the time. When information changes, they're able to re-adjust their goals._


End file.
